"Dating" Dilemma How to make him fall in love with you

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Cosmo says...

Be a good friend

This one should be a no-brainer but for some reason it often gets ignored. “Playing hard to get, teasing him, acting fragile are all ways you can try and ‘trick’ a man into a kind of love,” says Spurr. “But the fact is that if you want a man to care about you deeply, friendship is the key. At work, with friends, men are often ‘on guard’, being competitive and so on. When they’re with you, they need to feel safe – game playing might help hook a guy in the first place, but it gets extremely tiring.” Being supportive, listening to him, making him laugh, helping him feel good about himself and life in general – these are the things that make him really value you. And the more he values you, the more he loves you.


Give him an eyeful

Not of your breasts or legs or any other body part, but of your eyes. Locking eyes with a guy doesn’t just tell him you’re interested, it can even make him feel like he’s falling in love with you. Why? Because it’s the behaviour of loved-up couples. A study by Zick Rubin, former associate professor at Harvard University, US, found that lovers spent 75% of their time looking at each other; other people spent around 30-60% of their time doing the same. By encouraging him to gaze into your eyes by maintaining eye contact with him, you can lead his brain towards the idea of love. “The last time he stared into someone eyes for long periods of time, he was in love,” says sexpert Dr Pam Spurr (www.drpam.co.uk). “So in theory, that could trigger his brain to recall feelings of love again.”

Be like him

There’s no need to start shaving your chin or scratching between your legs, but focusing on the ways in which you’re alike can help create a mutual attraction. “We may not realise it, but we have a natural tendency to go for people who not only have similar interests and backgrounds to us, but also use similar facial expressions,” says Spurr. Researchers at the University of Liverpool found that we’re more likely to go for people who look similar to us because we perceive certain facial attributes as clues to personality. Laughter lines, frown lines, wide smiles, restrained expressions are all indications of what a person is like – sociable, friendly, shy, emotional – so we seek out people who look as though they’d be compatible with us.

But don't go too far!

The reason for this one is simple: he’ll know, you’ll know and it doesn’t bode well for the future. “Adapting your behaviour slightly is one thing, but faking aspects of your personality or pretending you’re really into golf, when in fact it bores you brainless, will just lead to trouble,” says sex therapist Dr Ian Kerner (www.goodinbed.com).


Hang around... a lot!

This sounds counterintuitive but it’s not. Familiarity doesn’t breed contempt (unless he doesn’t like you in the first place, in which you’re kind of doomed, sorry). In fact, the more time you spend together, the more he’ll like you. “Advertising works in part because it repeatedly exposes you to a particularly product,” says Kerner. “It’s the same with people – the more time you spend together, taking for granted that there’s some mutual attraction to begin with, the more you’ll grow to like each other.”


Now disappear

Okay, not off the face off the earth, but just enough to remind him how much he loves spending time with you. “New couples often go through a stage where they’re living in each other’s pockets,” says Spurr. “Then there might come a period where the excited feelings level out. Before that happens, take a step back and be a little less available.” Spend more time with your friends (they’ve been feeling neglected anyhow!), see your family, work late a few nights. “This isn't about game playing but it'll give you a greater sense of control of your own emotions, and help to heighten his.

Get Sick - A small cold 

I found when I had a cold or was not feeling well men want to take care of you more, they must enjoy it when you are vulnerable and like to feel needed. Just to make it clear don't make yourself sick but turn to him when you are not feeling well for help.


Ask for his help

We all like to feel needed. The reason is simple: if someone needs to ask your advice, needs you to help them shift a bed, needs you to make them feel better, helping them makes you feel good about yourself. Feeling needed can also make someone insecure feel safe – after all, if you need him, you’re less likely to run off with some other guy, right? “In this day and age when women are fiercely independent, a man can feel less able to give her what she needs – other than sex, what does he have to offer?” says Kerner. “So by relying on him a little – and letting him rely on you too – you’re allowing the bond between you to deepen. A good step towards falling in love.”

Be confident too

Yes, guys like to feel needed. No, they don’t want to feel as though you might collapse into a boneless snivelling heap if they’re not around. “A woman who knows what she likes and makes every effort to get it is very attractive,” says Kerner. “In fact, when a woman like that needs a man it makes him feel all the more valuable – because it’s as though she needs him specifically, rather than just any old guy.”


Laugh

More than wanting to be seen as strong, clever or tough, men want to be the funny one. And the reason is simple: women love a man who makes them laugh. “When people seem to be enjoying our entertaining banter, it makes us feel confident,” says Kerner. “And that, in turn, makes us feel good, sexy even. If, each time you see a guy, you leave him feeling great about himself, he’ll begin to associate that feeling with you. You’re halfway to making him fall in love with you.”

http://www.cosmopolitan.co.uk/love-sex/tips/12-steps-make-him-love-you-page9#fbIndex9