Dating Dilemma Why are you still single and nearly 30

Nearly 30 and still most of my friends are single, I often end up talking about men with them over a coffee and diner. I think that most girls coming up to this age are keen to get a guy and settle down. It's rare that any of my friends want to be alone on purpose, it's more like it has not worked out and it's a struggle at this age to meet someone new.

The reasons they tell me they are alone 

• The one's that like me I don't like and then they are just not ticking my boxes 
• He is a nice person but I just don't fancy him 
• I have plenty of time so do not want to settle for second best
• Going on dates is not helping as all the good ones are in relationships
• The dates start off well and then they never lead to anything
• They just want fun and are playing around so it's not serious 
• The ones that they feel the most passion for are the worst ones as it ends badly

The reasons I think they are alone 

• They don't give the nice guys a chance and want that instant buzz of love at first sight - I don't think that really exists, you need to get to know a person first and then you can fall in love and chemistry will therefore grow
• My friends have ended up going for the same type of guy and not changing their taste when it has not worked previously with other men. For example they like posh intellectual guys and they are not that or they like wild bad boys and they are bad for them
• They think they have more time than they really have by the time they think they have plenty of time they end up alone. You need to try and meet someone nice to settle down by the age of 27 - 30 otherwise marriage and kids will come late. 
• Become desperate: I think men can sense when they are overly keen and become desperate as they are wanting someone due to their situation 

Why others think you are still single 

1. Your standards are too high. It's great to have high standards. No woman should sell herself short and then be stuck in a situation she regrets. There is such a thing, however, as having standards that are too high.

2. Negativity is your middle name. Do you need to win every argument? Are you confrontational or super defensive? Do you never give compliments, or always negative or can't be pleased? If so, this might be something to look at.

3. You're going after the wrong guy. It happens all too often. You're able to pull what you think is a fantastic guy — good looking, charming, a guy girls women would kill for. He can get whoever he wants. And that's part of the problem.

4. You're not listening. This goes for both men and women. Most of us are very bad at listening.

5. You could be in the wrong location. Sometimes, you may be in a city or town and you just don't click with the men you're surrounded by. Maybe you're in a rural town and you like city guys or maybe you're in a city but prefer a cowboy. In any case, you probably won't be able to connect if you don't have things in common.

6. You don't take care of yourself. Believe it or not, men care about this. Not in the ways you think (we're really not caring what brand your shoes are) but we do care if you take care of yourself. This includes things like wearing nice clothes, doing your hair, makeup, exercising and even what you eat.

7. You're hung up on an ex. Whether you're still seeing him or still dreaming about him, the ex is getting in the way and leaving you with nothing but an empty bed. Sometimes the thoughts of an ex will keep you from investing in another man.

8. You're being judgemental and insecure. Most men do not care to be around women who are full of judgements about people and life. It's negative, saps out the fun and motivates us to be on guard with what we say and how we act. The end result: we don't feel free when we're with you.

9. You give everything up too easily. When you're a teenager, you think the easiest way to get a man to stick around is to sleep with him. When you get a little older, you realise that isn't necessarily the best way.